I like you, DeSean Jackson, but Im not sure I can commit...

Sure, you were a great reciever/returner in college, worthy of a high second round pick--but its not you.

Its me.

You see, DeSean, as an Eagles fan after all Ive been through its really hard for me to just open up and pin all my hopes on you. I know your type...and I just dont want to get stuck in another fan-to-man relationship just to be let down. Here in Philly, we have a bad track record. Ive been burned before in situations like this.

In 2000 we drafted Todd Pinkston 36th overall, and that didnt work out because he was a pussy. When he wasnt dropping passes, he was injured.

Then there was that whole thing where we fell hard for Freddie Mitchell (1st round, 25th overall), who had the size, the speed and all the shit talking ability you would expect from an elite reciever...except he wasnt very good. Sure, we had 4th-and-26, and he caught 2 TDs in a divisional playoff game, but wasnt ever truly consistent....actually, aside from those two highlights he was just dogshit awful. The worst part is that we passed over Reggie Wayne, Chad Johnson Ocho Psycho, Chris Chambers and Steve Smith for this shithead. That hurts the heart man. Hurts. The. Heart. Those four recievers are all Pro Bowlers...Freddie disappeared and is now a substitute teacher at Mishawaka High School in Indiana. I can only assume he tries to pick up underage girls with his NFC Championship ring.

Look, I know youre not like those other guys. Youre tougher than Pinky. Youre smarter than FredEx. We need a big play guy though, and youre only 5'9" 175. Dont get me wrong, youre one of the fastest players in the game and will totally fuck shit up in the open field, but youre smaller than our kicker. Coach Reid doesnt start rookies, though...youll probably not play unless something catostrophic happens like, Reggie Brown and Kevin Curtis both get hurt at the same time.....

Kevin Curtis (sports hernia)
Reggie Brown (pulled hamstring)

Shit.

Looks like you might get some playing time. Remember, nobody expects too much from you. Just go out there and play a good game, dont get carried away and try to make the highlights. It takes a reciever at least 3 seasons to master this offenisve system....

6 catches - 106 yards. 47 yard reception on his first career catch.
8 returns - 97 yards 203 total yards.


Dont let this be a fluke DeSean. Dont you toy with my emotions...